Feelings?

I used to have the pleasure (?) of working with the mental health units of a  large hospital.  Occasionally an individual from one of the units would come through my office and ask me, in the course of conversation, how I was.  Generally my response was "fine."  "Oh, fine is not a feeling" was the 'appropriate' psychiatric response, "how do you really feel?"  Today my response would be 'numb.'

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”

Emerson

The other side of the desk

I have now spent one year (plus a few months) on the 'other side' of the healthcare 'desk' - in the clinical arena.  I can see where nursing can become very myopic - not seeing the big picture of the entire hospital, feeling like they are the only ones who care about the patients, when in reality, the entire facility should be about providing excellent patient care, in whatever capacity.  I see the value in the surveys - if the results are used as tools and not clubs.  The view from the other side of the desk...

One week before BMT

My kids

Trust

Trust - when lost - is impossible to recover.

Camp

Reminder to savor the warmth

Time flies

Time flies when you are having fun or so someone once said. Time has flown, fun? Well, not so much. Last Tuesday I completed an LPN degree with many prerequisites completed toward an RN. Now to find a job - 3-11 please. There are those who say to simply repeat it over and over again and it will be so, there are others who say to do it the old-fashioned way (get off your butt and make it happen), and here I am. Wishing I did not have to go through the agony of pleading for a job - one that everyone said would be knocking my door down when I finished a nursing degree.

Learning, Growing

I am feeling the pressure of having homeschooled our children since first grade/kindergarten/when they could say “mama” or whenever the first teachable moment occurred. Our son is 1.5 years away from heading off to university and the pressure is enormous.

Now, some would say that if I have done my job correctly he would be perfectly prepared, but I keep thinking of more things I should have taught him. Does he know the present perfect tense of every verb known to man, can he spell those tricky three syllable words that crop up in conversation only once in a lifetime, will his writing skills pass muster in his first composition class, who was the leader of Germany in 1856 (was there even a united Germany at this time in history?), what are the former names of all of those African countries that keep changing, will his instructors ask him who exactly taught you and why didn’t you change schools? The questions keep piling up and I am having difficulty finding the forest for the trees.

Ho Ho?

I drove through Fargo after dark on Wednesday evening (not a hard thing when ‘dark’ comes at 5:30pm) and saw the street lamps are already festooned with wreaths, the stores have their ‘holiday’ decorations in place and it is only the beginning of November. This is beginning to support my theory that we never really need to put it all away. If we can put the decorations up in October, why not leave them until March? It is only a matter of time until the holiday finery is left up year round.

Cell Phone Death

No, this isn’t one of those news stories about the possible link between brain cancer and talking on your cell phone 24/7, but rather an obituary for my cell phone. On Monday I turned it on, checked voice mail and it was perfectly intact. Tuesday evening (with no known trauma) when I went to make a call the internal display was black in some areas and very fuzzy in others. It still receives calls and I can make calls, if I know your number by heart. True, the battery life isn’t what it should be, but I love my little phone. Our technologically savvy son (aren’t all teenagers this way?) was able to back-up my contact list of 253 wonderful people (many of whose numbers I only have in my cell). Now I wait for my husband to decide if we want to extend our contract and go with the BOGO phones or if we make an outright purchase because I am finding it increasingly difficult not to conduct business as I zoom up and down 94 at 75 mph.

Thanksgiving

With whom and where will you be spending Thanksgiving this year? Our family enjoys spending the time with anyone who needs a place to go until our tables have expanded to the maximum and all chairs are filled. It used to be strictly a family event when we lived near my favorite husband's family as that clan alone filled the large house to full and overflowing. Now that we live in the great white north we find ourselves with a much smaller family unit. Does Thanksgiving mean a large meal with a very full house or is it spent in quiet contemplation with just a few?

Blue jeans

I just read a "fashion article" (quotes are being used because of the content) that definitively stated that women over the age of 40 should not wear blue jeans. I'm over that magical hump and am still enjoying going to the barn in blue jeans vs. the high heels and dress pants prescribed by the author. I guess this means that anyone can be in print if you state your opinion with enough authority.

Still out here, still at dial-up

Blogging is something that I truly enjoy doing, but that freaky perfectionist nature that pokes me on occasion (actually more than occasionally) prevents me from doing it because I am unable to do it well. If a picture truly does speak a thousand words, I could post a photo a day and be communicating with you (the one of you that I have left!) quite effectively. However, my connection speed still prevents photos from appearing here on more than an occasional basis.

Be that as it may, I'll take a stab at using the actual characters instead of relying on flashy effects (crazy things like photos for those of us still in the dark ages).

News Flash - Mountain lion spotted in our area. Actually about 10 miles away in a somewhat large town. The kids in the middle school were kept in from recess for several days for fear that the big cat would view them as the main dish following an appetizer of one of the neighborhood pets.

School - all is well. The kids are doing great in their work. I am pleased to see application of their subjects. Our youngest enjoys using Jeannie Fulbright's science programs and is all wrapped in birds this year. #1 son is studying chemistry with the promise that next year he can study both physics and marine biology. He will have completed all of his algebra (hopefully) and geometry so on to more fun things. #1 daughter is immersed in physical science. It isn't her favorite, but her brother assures her that biology is coming next year and that was his favorite science thus far. I am swimming along through chemistry, economics, statistics and nutrition. Next semester brings more fun science - microbiology, biochem and pharmacology. Who knew that it would be all science all the time for me? I go to a single building on campus - looking neither to the right nor the left :). I pop in for classes and race back home in time to teach our brood. My favorite husband is also an instructor on our home ed program and does an amazing job.

Animals - the sheep have all gone to their winter home. They are currently being prepared for the breeding process. The "girls" look great so they should have lovely lambs. We hope to use the same buck as last year as we had great success and none of his daughters are in our breeding program yet.

Our guinea hens multiplied this year. We mourned with the male this summer as he seemed to have lost his mate. We were nearly ready to send him back to my parents house so that he could have some company of his own kind when out popped the female with 11 babies running close behind. We do not know where she spent the time sitting on the eggs, but she must have been very well disguised as we have a plethora of hungry felines and other wild predators just waiting for a warm meal. Guineas are notoriously bad parents, but these two have proved to be the exception having kept all 11 safe and have raised them to near adulthood.

Winter is nearly upon us. We have had a pleasant fall that seems to have lasted much longer than usual - global warming? Today we experience the time change with the majority of the US. I dreaded this event twice a year when the kids were small because their bodies did not operate on the clock, but rather by when they felt hungry or tired. It usually took about two weeks to make the adjustment in the fall and spring. However, today they are all enjoying the hour of "extra" sleep and I appreciate seeing the sun earlier. Our bed is on the west wall of our room with a window directly across. I love waking up and watching the sun rise. In the winter I am usually moving about far before Mr. Sun, but the summer sun always wakes me.

Deer season begins in ND next week. Yesterday the hunters were cruising the gravel roads searching for the perfect spot to be on Friday morning. I don't like hurting Bambi and his mother, but as I have seen multiple deer hit on 94 as we traverse to and fro, I do appreciate those who reduce the deer population on a yearly basis. Perhaps this will eliminate the deer in the headlights staring back at me as I zoom toward it at 75 mph.

Grandmas

This is a photo of the groom's two grandmothers, conferring before the ceremony.

Exhausted

Nearly 2,000 miles in 2 weeks makes for very tired girls. This was taken within 50 of home. The kids and I spent 5 days camping near Omaha, NE only to return home and head for Chicago for a family wedding. We had a marvelous time at all, but are pleased to be home.

Sally

Sally, the salamander, lives in the sump pump hole in the basement. Occasionally she (?) is brought out to be petted and see the sunshine.

World Traveler Home Again

We are so excited to have our son back home after he spent nearly two weeks in Ecuador. His main mission was to work with other teens to build a church. Additionally he had time to sightsee in Quito, a cloud forest near Quito, Guayaquil and a few locations in between.

Noticing

Two of my brothers and their families recently spent some time 'down on the farm' here in ND. We always enjoy seeing everyone.

Being with children necessitates a greater awareness of the little things. Like what? Well, the 16 month old who is teething caused me to scan the lower area of every room she visited to make sure I had not left anything out that was poisonous or that could be damaged.

An even greater awareness came to me as we spent an afternoon at the Fargo Street Fair with my five-year-old niece who traveled the streets in her miniature wheelchair. I noticed her looking for ramps from the sidewalks to the streets, saw the large chunks of concrete littering the ramps and the large cracks in same. Additionally I watched people look away from her smiling face as she wheeled along, looking at all of the wonderful items for sale. I watched as she found some handicapped doorways (the button pushed to automatically open the door) out of order.

Just noticing.