Happy May Day!

I'm writing this in retrospect about yesterday because had I written yesterday my post would have been full of $%^?*@!$. Not the image of the kinder, gentler shepherdess/rancher/mother/homemaker/blah, blah that I want to portray to you, the lovely reader. SO, I delayed my comments by a day.

I had yesterday all planned. We had left the youngest child with my parents on Saturday night. The two older children had a function near Minneapolis and my husband's role was that of chauffer. Where did that leave me? Sitting at home ALONE waiting for lambs to be born, feeding Sophie her bottle, eating bonbons (don't have any), reading books, warming my feet by the fire, etc.

The morning started off beautifully. Mark and the kids got off at 4:30AM (they had to be at their commitment at 9:00). I heard them rumbling about, but chose to mumble a farewell from my warm bed. I leisurely got up at 7:30 and took a bottle out to Sophie and freed the sheep from their warm, (smelly) barn. [Before I go any further I need to describe the state of the farm for you. We have several pastures (grassy areas where animals stay for you non-farm folk) that are fenced separately, but can be joined together by opening gates (you do know what gates are, don't you?).] Continuing....it was a little chilly, however, the water in the water trough wasn't frozen so it couldn't be that cold, could it? Before I had finished the task of letting the pony out, freeing the chickens (and yelling at them for only producing one egg - whoops, kinder, gentler) the sheep had jumped the fence, had crossed the yard and were heading across the road!!! The babies had not accompanied their mothers in this delinquency, so there are 25 lambs running up and down the fence on the inside and 21 big sheep heading for greener pastures. OH, I was so angry. [Please note that I am losing the perspective I had hoped 24 hours would give.]

I started yelling for the bad animals to come back. No response, not even a glance in my direction. Now I had to strategize. I couldn't just open the gate - the babies would all run out and they are even harder to corral than their mothers. No, can't do that. I had hoped to maintain that warm fuzzy sleepy feeling and jump back into my still-warm bed. Not happening.

Here is the plan - tie the pony. If she gets away, I'm throwing in the towel and getting out the gun (to use the animals - don't write or call about suicidal thoughts and how to help them, I'm not that dumb). Done. Now move the babies into the upper pasture (the one with the better/good fence). They don't move easily. Their mothers can be motivated by grain, not so with the little ones - all 25. Finally done.

Now to get the 21 evil beasts [deep breath] back. I tried the grain trick. Oh yeah, here they come, but then the remember that they are mothers and stop at the fence to encourage their children to join them in their delinquency. Not happening.

Did I mention that herding sheep happens best with multiple individuals, strategically placed? Did I have any help other than the barn cats who were looking at me like I am crazy? NO?!!

After having to get out the whip (no, don't call the ASPCA - I didn't use it on them, I think it just made me feel better) and running back and forth many times I got them all in. Everyone except Vashti (aka spawn of Satan). She kept running past the open gate (with me hot on her heels) - Steve, you may be able to whup me in a marathon, but I'm sure I've got you on the sprint. I can turn on a dime (or a pile of XXXX) and move like the wind.

Long story made a bit shorter [I can feel more gray hair forming as relive yesterday]. I finally fashioned a run to get Vashti through the invisible gate. I'm sweating, irritated and nasty at this point.

The sheep were put on hay and water. I drag myself back into the house, burst through the door to the telephone ringing and my husband sweetly asking, "where have you been?" I look at the clock - TWO HOURS of my reading, napping, bonbon time have gone by.

Well, the diet for the evil animals remains the same - hay and water. My father purchased an electric fencer charger and accessories yesterday. I'm checking the internet to see how many volts we can run through the wire before the wool burns or the sheep drops dead. We're going to go just under that amount.

Did I mention that I was doing all of this in beautiful May weather - NOT. It was sleeting, hailing, snowing and doing all of the horrifying winter weather ND can throw our way.

Don't ask about my day - the bed was cold, I had not purchased bonbons...

Happy May to you, lovely reader.